Chapter 1

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Janine stared at her reflection in the curve of the tap – a tiny, tapered figure with wide hips and a pale, featureless face. She squeezed out a curl of blue hand-wash and rubbed her palms together. It felt almost obscene: wet and tacky on her skin. One, two, three, four: she washed her hands and counted. Another measure of hand-wash, this time the bubbles quick to foam on already wet skin, and seep, stinging, into the cracks around her knuckles. One, two, three, four. The bathroom clock – thin silver numbers against a blue background – read six thirty. He was due home and she hadn’t finished. Janine put wet fingers up to her face and the reflections moved in sympathy. Too much flesh around the cheeks; thin lips edged with dry skin. Her hands smelt of soap – a chemical tang leaking out from beneath its perfume.

Janine turned off the tap and the house felt suddenly too quiet and too empty; poised for the rattle of his keys and the front door’s reluctant push over too thick cream carpet. She stood on the landing and looked up at the closed white door. Five minutes. She’d be in the kitchen making dinner before he’d even reached the end of the road. Janine held onto the red wood banister and counted the steps as she ascended.

The sun had seeped into the corners of the attic, turning it hot and close. Janine moved clockwise: checking. On the shelf: eight soft toys - their unblinking eyes sunk into fake fur – and four dolls – all pink plastic curves. In the wardrobe: twelve dresses, three coats and six pairs of shoes. On the dressing table: eight photographs, chronologically ordered. Downstairs: the unmistakeable noise of a door opening. Janine stood with her hand around the largest doll’s hard plastic foot and listened. She imagined him lowering his briefcase onto the floor; loosening his tie.

'Jan?'

She slipped out of the room and closed the door quietly behind her; ran down the stairs. They almost collided on the landing.

'Home already?' Janine smoothed both hands over her skirt – blue cotton, crumpled from the day’s heat. 'How was work?'

'Were you - ?'

'Just in the bedroom – getting some – I was changing. You look exhausted.'